2 Months

 Hi Rafa!

I'm missing you a little extra today. I have been feeling better the past few weeks but today, I missed you more. I just realized that it's been 2 months since you passed and that's why maybe I felt you in my heart.

I was lying in bed trying to get some sleep at 5am but the feeling just won't go away. As I've learned, I shouldn't push it away. So I let it run its course. Tears in my eyes as I watch some of your videos. Both happy and sad tears. I wish I can see your living energy. I know you are here with me. I miss you buddy. Please let me see you in my dreams.

To make myself feel better, I watched this video https://youtu.be/HOzPe09lRWk

I admire her. Sometimes I feel drowning in my thoughts late at night. So watching positive videos help. 

I've been thinking about the things that you taught me. One of them is that I learned to love an animal as much as I would love a human. You were the constant thing in my life for over 10 yrs, through thick and thin. I remember just looking at you makes me feel happy. All my troubles just disappear. I don't know how you do that. When I felt bad, I would just hug you and it makes me feel much better.

I want to think of all the happy memories we have shared. At times the guilt would creep back and I remind myself that what happened, happened. I need to be kind to myself. I know you want me to be happy. I am doing my very best.

I miss saying your name so I say it as often as I can. You are always a part in our lives buddy even if you are physically gone. I know you are here in spirit. I love you always.

Love,

Mommy